Coffee in Paris

While my legs and body aches from oh so, so many sessions on the ramp, yuck, I decided its time to give myself a little gift. So I took a leave from all the gut wrenching, soul stressing work and rested for a few days.

On the fourth day of seeing sights, wandering around the Fashion Capital, Paris, France, I met up with an old friend from Mindanao.

She has a perfume I envy because I cannot buy it since my ex boss owns the company and I hate my ex boss. Her name is Elnorah but I call her Elm Tree and she works like crazy as a publicist at a company called Neo or somesuch, that sells nice and high prized footwear. Oh! I exclaimed, I love thaat sooo - I am so like Imelda, I love shoes soooo much! She agrees, knowing my habits, likes, peeves and every one in my family of asuwangs (which makes her a bit afraid of me a teeny little bit too - I suspect, just a dirty little thought mind you).

We talked about sooo many Filipino things, never using French nor English nor any other language. (I don't know more than 4 anyway and I think neither does Elm - my good friend of long ago.)

Then we veered into the currents in the home country. And I learned once more (my first time was in the international media) and with alarm, the great brouhaha that somebody supposedly called nonoy aquino turned the idea of "term extension" into.

My friend says: "It's not true. It's just a PR campaign contracted to many big individual experts-contractors and a few corporate ones."

Oh? I ask, is that really true?  "Yes, she answered. Coz nonoy is already on the way out and his fame is fading fast more than acid-washed jeans."

That's true, I thought, that's been true for the past four years.

"Also the shit about Palparan?" Yeah I heard about that too, I told her. "It's just a blanket to cover the millions, gazillions of issues plaguing the nonoy administration back in the country. Crimes, Train accidents, disasters, sex scandals in the justice department, graft and corruption in Manila's counterpart of the White House or the The Palais de l'Élysée, lower government functionaries' involvement in large scale thievery of government money, and all that."

How do you know all these, I asked her.  "I'm a reporter remember? Duh!"

Yeah, that figures. "Jove Palpy," she explains, is the tip of a mysterious iceberg. "He used to be the front of one of the so-called large-scale illegal drugs pipelines from-to the Philippines and abroad - specially China. To hide the activities of the drugs pipeline, the masterminds behind the syndicate-and-government-protection-ring, hired former rebels to kill communist young workers as a diversion.

The media publicity became so much that no one turned their attention to the large scale smuggling of drugs in Mindoro, in the South, even in Manila itself. And that shit doubled, tripled, quadrupled in the last three to four years alone.

It was getting too very dark, so late and too fast, so I suddenly told my friend stop. Stop talking, let's have another coffee talk someday when I'll have my beauty rest again. (I had the urge to do my fairy rounds tonight, but I needed to go home first.)

After me and Elm parted ways, in just a jiffy I was in the air. It was already really deep into the evening or night - not that I did not approve.

I followed Elms scent but it led me to a great imposing building near the central complex that included The Palais de l'Élysée.  Its big neon lit sign said: INTERPOL INTELLIGENCE DIVISION.

Fuck shoes, my friend is a stinking cop but I enjoyed her tall tales anyway. And I continued my fairy rounds... thinking of term extension of that abnormal dude who never deserved a first term at all, a malnourished old man called Pinalpagan, and laughing all the way...

As far as I can remember, this army general has never looked brave

or sinister and cruel to me. Maybe Elm was right after all. He could

just be a scapegoat and in fact, I think by the looks of him, he is an old

emaciated neglected senior citizen. He must have children and grand

children to be sure but they can't even touch him with a 10-foot pole

because of the damned stupid stigma. Why is the Filipino population

always so easy to fool?

The Screeching Scratching Irritants of Asuwangs

Everytime we wacwacs hear the sound of scratching specially at night, we fear for our lives dearly.  It is true, it is true we want to bite the hand and the neck and chest and tummy of the one making the scratch, scratch, screech, screech because it is not only irritating. We wacwacs (waqzys for short - hrmmph! they changed the name women to womyn, so why can't wacwac change our moniquer too?) hate it because we become extremely paranoid that some idiot out there is out to gut us with their butcher's knife.

I am particularly allergic to butcher's knives. It holds a power that is so, so menacing to me, not only in my waking nights (I'd like to sleep mostly during the day, if I can) but even in my dreams. How many times did I dream of that ugly thing slicing through my beautiful fashion model's fingers, my dearie tongue that I use to caress babies in the wombs to sleep until the forever after, my splendidly sculpted Venus' bod (that I spend too many hours doing asanas as in yoga you dumb dumb, aerobic exercise, dancing to sweat out the baby and not so young fats I indulged in) or any other part of my wonderful temple that I adore so much including my hair (don't touch it you sleazy slime ball!).

The screech, scratch sounds should be eliminated in this Universe. It cannot be that I am hearing so much of it often these days! On August 26, 2014, as stated in the short message I got in my mobile, they are going to make much awful screeching scratching little and big disturbing sounds in what they call the NOISE BARRAGE!  Oh my my!!! Stop!!!

A few nights ago, before receiving that damned message, I was in my flying mood so I did my fairy rounds and vagabonded in the air space once more. Boom! I was on top of a big house near the huge Pasig River (its so humongous if you see it from the air) and I could clearly hear the sound of fighting.

Female voice: YOU HAVE TO SILENCE THE ESZEEY!  YOU WILL BRING US ALL DOWN WITH YOU, YOU DUMB SHIT!!! LUKO LUKO, WHY DIDN'T OUR MOM AND DAD KILL YOU WHEN THEY SAW YOU WERE TIYANAK (BABY BORN NOT HUMAN).

the baby faced manboy under siege

Male voice: I AM DOING EVERYTHING THAT YOU ASK! STOP DIDDLING ME! WE ARE ALL VAMPIRES HERE!!!  WE ARE ALL STEALING THE PEOPLE'S BLOOD AND ALL DAMNED YOU ALL FOR BEING MY FAMILY!!!  IMAGININ MO YUN, TINANGGAL KO ANG SUPREME COURT!!! TINANGGAL KO ANG PODER NG SENADO!!! WALA NA SILA!!! AKO NA LANG AT MGA TROPA!!! ANO PA GUSTO NINYO!!!!!!???$%%

Female voice: PAKAWALAN MO NA YUNG SECRET YELLOW ERASERS! PUNYETA KA!!! MATAGAL NAMIN SINASABI SA IYO, PAG PINAGTAGAL MO PA SA MUNDO ANG MGA IYAN SASAKIT LANG ANG ULO MO LALO ULOL KA KASI, BALIW KA!!! ABNORMAL!!!

Male voice: EH SIRA ULO KA MAS PALA SIZ! KAPATID MO KO! SAAN BA GALING DUGO NIYO AT DUGO KO!

Female voice: GAGU!!! EWAN NAMIN KUNG SAAN KA PINULOT NI MOMMY!!! (Softly pleading tone) Mom, sorry, sumalangit ka na ngayon na haaaa!!!

Male voice: SIGE NA SIGE NA. PAKAKAWALAN KO NA ANG SECRET ERASER. BASTA YUNG NIKA ISAP SI BABALU NA KAMAGANAK NI EF GEE SA NATIONAL SEKYU CANCELLED AT SI PURI KAYO LAHAT ANG BAHALA MAGLINIS NG DADAANAN NOON MGA DIPUTA KAYO MGA BALIW KAYO. PARANG HINDI LANG KOKONTI ANG NAPAPAPATAY NATIN DAHIL SA KASAKIMAN AT KABALIWAN NG PAMILYA NATIN.

That's what I heard. Then a few meters away this:

Soft Male voice: Sir Man Boy is mad.

Soft Female voice: Mga Tiger ma'ams ay mad din.

Soft Male voice: May rally na naman kasi.

Soft Female voice: Aw?

Soft Male voice: Oo at ang mga HAYUP ay gagawa pa ng NOISE BARRAGE daw sa 26.

(They knew what I didn't know, yet)

Soft Female voice: Wow galing ooops! Nakupo! May nakikinig ba?

Soft Male voice: Wala, wag ka ganyan, baka marinig ka ng mga boss natin na baliw.

Soft Female voice: At ubod ng magnanakaw. Ano kaya?

Soft Male voice: Anong ano?

Soft Female voice: Eh takot sa ingay yan sila Sir at mga ma'ams at mga asawa.

Soft Male voice: O eh ano ngayon.

Soft Female voice: Magpaputok tayo doon sa Otis?

Soft Male voice: Sira ulo ka ba?

Soft Female voice: Para di nila marinig NOISE BARRAGE.

Soft Male voice: Gago!

Soft Female voice: At least pag may tunog ng bumabaril mahimbing tulog nila, eh di walang istorbo.

Oh my G! What kind of people are these?

I've lost my appetite tonight. What the heck was that all about? What kasakiman? Why are they more afraid of screeching, scratching than asuwangs? Oy, I always thought only wacwacs can be paranoid. But sadly, I'm in really very bad company here!!! Yiiikes!!!

Tonight is so depressing frustrating, I'm sick to my inner tummy. No mamam too.

I guess it's hard to be asuwang, ooops waqzy baby... specially if you're facing stiff competition from weird frenzied blood suckers!!! till next time, tata!

my competition. how bastos look.