Journal on the days before Manila trip

I'm back in Manila. Wow! Can't believe the relief from all the work related stress and fatigue. Nothing like seeing your own people and your little fave things in the place you call home! hmmmm.... it's like I'm settling into some inertia and there's absolutely nothing I so want to do about it. Good to be just lazing around and at night... well, partying in my own little asuwang way. hik hik hik hik!!!

Five days before I returned I was doing my fairy rounds in Paris. A group pandering to the sights and the little kids playing even in the late night hours in the city public square caught my attention, so young looking, so smooth skinned but I can smell their ages and I can seen through the lines of their cosmetic surgery.

Don't care really if it's because my profession is in the fashion industry or just my being asuwang - that makes me quite a super detector, detective, whatever.  They were old! And I overheard a man calling one of them, Your Majesty My Queen. Huh?  What are they doing traipsing in public places in indifferent France? They could be bombed to oblivion by terroristes and no one will pay attention!  Yikes!  Here they pay attention more to someone like me walking their streets and suddenly one or two will reach for my butt to pinch it. Yuck! But when an old man rolls in the street after losing his walking cane - even if the poor guy gets run over - no one really minds.

Everyone to their own business of pinching puwets in France and loving mistresses and girl friends, talking up to eternity about wine, politics, couture and revoluccion to the exclusion of everything else! C'est terrible!

The pretend young-at-hearts did not catch my fancy after my first glance and a little harmless ogling at their necks and skins, a little listening to the beat of their hearts and organs. These group must be eating human liver for breakfast! They had strong hearts and good blood flow.

I liked them already at that very instant. Supposed to leave them for my fated fairy rounds, but I heard them mention the magic word: "...Banignow ... (inaudible words) ... the one they call Pheenoy?  He's coming to us here. That's not the reason we're seeing each other today ... (inaudible words) ... 

Ooops! I nestled upon a really nice fashionable looking tree in keeping with my tastes and preferences and wanted to eavesdrop but they looked to be on their way to some meeting. Before finishing the kodaking with my cell phone I hurried on the way to catch up with my super sexy looking lolos and lolas.

Oops! so sorry about my fingers! :)

Hey! don't blame me if Eiffel looks like it fell [down].

I'm the flying photog what can I do?

At the end of the park near the Hôtel Pas de Calais, a not so really wonderful and class traveller's residence, the group settled and entered a big gleaming, black luxury coach that sped off in a jiffy.

At the address number 11 rue Berryer, not far from where we left, the pretend young-at-heart elderly alighted and entered a building with an imposing structure and a small sign that read Hôtel Salomon de Rothschild.

The hôtel otel appeared to be off limits and despite the aroma of too much food being prepared by the hôtel kitchen, I couldn't smell any large group of humans in the entire structure. Everyone inside aside form the old ones looked to me to be the hôtel staff.

Most were in uniforms anyway. I sensed that the group had taken their sweet time chatting, moving an inch at a time, about things I didn't comprehend and reached what seemed like a dining area. I landed upon a skylight or more aptly a roof window and had a good view of the room. It had a tastely name - Lounge of Honour.

A good number of hôtel otel personnel were in attendance for the elderly group that seemed to me to be like really venerable guests.

I so liked the that the ladies among the staff curtsied and the men bowed each time, so old-fashioned and so chevalier chic.

There was small talk and while I was contemplating suddenly of my upcoming trip back to the Philippines, I heard my brain radar sparking to attention once more.

Elderly Female (look-alike of Prince Charles' mom): "Banignow Akeenow, that idiot wants to be second timer head of that forsaken state."

Elderly Male: "What can you say, he's so unpopular with those rotten, dirt poor people being bled by chinamen, and now koreans, and malaysians-indonesians."

Elderly Female (she seemed to be steering all the talk): "Well, if its true tell him when he comes around to our town that he's a fumbling baboon for saying so. And we can't allow him to do that. Can you imagine how many nincompoops he hired to make deposits of hundreds of millions of dollars that I ordered stalled in my banks? That silly small brained boy does not know his marbles! Stealing even my donations to that damned science project called Yolanda. Good heavens!"

More Elderly Male (2): "God forbid we give him that second chance! Can you even nourish the thought that all the shiploads of canned goods my family gave to the victims kept appearing in malls and stores owned by chinaman friends of that numb-brained boy and his ugly sisters? Oh Lord, what has gotten into that little hideous thieving country! Very unsightly, mind! I vehemently would like to even oppose his stepping on our shores if it were all up to me! Shit!"

Elderly Female: "My dear Fabrizio and Sir Winfried, let him be on this trip to town. I was the one that invited him after all."

More Elderly Female: "We should've nevah have let that stupid fart sit in that country. Absolutely no pedigree. The mother was a cunt peddler - look at the sister - with an Elektra Complex, running around chasing old men's penises."

Elderly Female: "Margarethe! Such language! Shut your trap!"

More Elderly Female: "And I just won't! Keep that monkey you invited away from me as far as far can be! I don't even want to see that beast's shadow!"

Demure Elderly: "And I heard right that the fellow is not heterosexual too! I guess I can invite him to my house Dear Elizabeth? Will you grant me that favour? I have pets male and female that are so in heat right now, I could use the service."

Elderly Female: "Damn that boy for the faux pas he's getting all of us into! And stop kidding here, we have important matters to discuss after dinner!"

Seductive Elderly Female: "Susan, what about the sister with Elektra Complex, will she fall for my thing? You know that I'm old too, but we just won't admit all of us here that we are! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Elderly Female: "Hush, hush all of you, enough of that talk. Eat everyone. Dear Sir Rothschild, let the courses be served. Let's cross the bridge when we are about to tell that worm brain to get the hell out of office. He doesn't deserve more than a minute of our precious time."

Rothschild: "Ahem, yes Your Majesty. (Not looking at the staff, makes the order.) Oy, you heard Her Majesty, The Queen!"

Nearly every single one of the staff suddenly appeared like magic with platefuls of servings of this or that dish. Oooh! my mouth started to water.

So feeling too starved on top of that grandiose and pompous feast, I decided to go on the run for the rest of the night on my fairy rounds. I hoped to find a preggy little lady, instead of so many elderlies with quaint smooth skins and bad language to boot.

Now that I am back in Manila, I keep asking the question, what will happen to the Pnoy then when he meets his Makers?

Coffee in Paris

While my legs and body aches from oh so, so many sessions on the ramp, yuck, I decided its time to give myself a little gift. So I took a leave from all the gut wrenching, soul stressing work and rested for a few days.

On the fourth day of seeing sights, wandering around the Fashion Capital, Paris, France, I met up with an old friend from Mindanao.

She has a perfume I envy because I cannot buy it since my ex boss owns the company and I hate my ex boss. Her name is Elnorah but I call her Elm Tree and she works like crazy as a publicist at a company called Neo or somesuch, that sells nice and high prized footwear. Oh! I exclaimed, I love thaat sooo - I am so like Imelda, I love shoes soooo much! She agrees, knowing my habits, likes, peeves and every one in my family of asuwangs (which makes her a bit afraid of me a teeny little bit too - I suspect, just a dirty little thought mind you).

We talked about sooo many Filipino things, never using French nor English nor any other language. (I don't know more than 4 anyway and I think neither does Elm - my good friend of long ago.)

Then we veered into the currents in the home country. And I learned once more (my first time was in the international media) and with alarm, the great brouhaha that somebody supposedly called nonoy aquino turned the idea of "term extension" into.

My friend says: "It's not true. It's just a PR campaign contracted to many big individual experts-contractors and a few corporate ones."

Oh? I ask, is that really true?  "Yes, she answered. Coz nonoy is already on the way out and his fame is fading fast more than acid-washed jeans."

That's true, I thought, that's been true for the past four years.

"Also the shit about Palparan?" Yeah I heard about that too, I told her. "It's just a blanket to cover the millions, gazillions of issues plaguing the nonoy administration back in the country. Crimes, Train accidents, disasters, sex scandals in the justice department, graft and corruption in Manila's counterpart of the White House or the The Palais de l'Élysée, lower government functionaries' involvement in large scale thievery of government money, and all that."

How do you know all these, I asked her.  "I'm a reporter remember? Duh!"

Yeah, that figures. "Jove Palpy," she explains, is the tip of a mysterious iceberg. "He used to be the front of one of the so-called large-scale illegal drugs pipelines from-to the Philippines and abroad - specially China. To hide the activities of the drugs pipeline, the masterminds behind the syndicate-and-government-protection-ring, hired former rebels to kill communist young workers as a diversion.

The media publicity became so much that no one turned their attention to the large scale smuggling of drugs in Mindoro, in the South, even in Manila itself. And that shit doubled, tripled, quadrupled in the last three to four years alone.

It was getting too very dark, so late and too fast, so I suddenly told my friend stop. Stop talking, let's have another coffee talk someday when I'll have my beauty rest again. (I had the urge to do my fairy rounds tonight, but I needed to go home first.)

After me and Elm parted ways, in just a jiffy I was in the air. It was already really deep into the evening or night - not that I did not approve.

I followed Elms scent but it led me to a great imposing building near the central complex that included The Palais de l'Élysée.  Its big neon lit sign said: INTERPOL INTELLIGENCE DIVISION.

Fuck shoes, my friend is a stinking cop but I enjoyed her tall tales anyway. And I continued my fairy rounds... thinking of term extension of that abnormal dude who never deserved a first term at all, a malnourished old man called Pinalpagan, and laughing all the way...

As far as I can remember, this army general has never looked brave

or sinister and cruel to me. Maybe Elm was right after all. He could

just be a scapegoat and in fact, I think by the looks of him, he is an old

emaciated neglected senior citizen. He must have children and grand

children to be sure but they can't even touch him with a 10-foot pole

because of the damned stupid stigma. Why is the Filipino population

always so easy to fool?

The Screeching Scratching Irritants of Asuwangs

Everytime we wacwacs hear the sound of scratching specially at night, we fear for our lives dearly.  It is true, it is true we want to bite the hand and the neck and chest and tummy of the one making the scratch, scratch, screech, screech because it is not only irritating. We wacwacs (waqzys for short - hrmmph! they changed the name women to womyn, so why can't wacwac change our moniquer too?) hate it because we become extremely paranoid that some idiot out there is out to gut us with their butcher's knife.

I am particularly allergic to butcher's knives. It holds a power that is so, so menacing to me, not only in my waking nights (I'd like to sleep mostly during the day, if I can) but even in my dreams. How many times did I dream of that ugly thing slicing through my beautiful fashion model's fingers, my dearie tongue that I use to caress babies in the wombs to sleep until the forever after, my splendidly sculpted Venus' bod (that I spend too many hours doing asanas as in yoga you dumb dumb, aerobic exercise, dancing to sweat out the baby and not so young fats I indulged in) or any other part of my wonderful temple that I adore so much including my hair (don't touch it you sleazy slime ball!).

The screech, scratch sounds should be eliminated in this Universe. It cannot be that I am hearing so much of it often these days! On August 26, 2014, as stated in the short message I got in my mobile, they are going to make much awful screeching scratching little and big disturbing sounds in what they call the NOISE BARRAGE!  Oh my my!!! Stop!!!

A few nights ago, before receiving that damned message, I was in my flying mood so I did my fairy rounds and vagabonded in the air space once more. Boom! I was on top of a big house near the huge Pasig River (its so humongous if you see it from the air) and I could clearly hear the sound of fighting.

Female voice: YOU HAVE TO SILENCE THE ESZEEY!  YOU WILL BRING US ALL DOWN WITH YOU, YOU DUMB SHIT!!! LUKO LUKO, WHY DIDN'T OUR MOM AND DAD KILL YOU WHEN THEY SAW YOU WERE TIYANAK (BABY BORN NOT HUMAN).

the baby faced manboy under siege

Male voice: I AM DOING EVERYTHING THAT YOU ASK! STOP DIDDLING ME! WE ARE ALL VAMPIRES HERE!!!  WE ARE ALL STEALING THE PEOPLE'S BLOOD AND ALL DAMNED YOU ALL FOR BEING MY FAMILY!!!  IMAGININ MO YUN, TINANGGAL KO ANG SUPREME COURT!!! TINANGGAL KO ANG PODER NG SENADO!!! WALA NA SILA!!! AKO NA LANG AT MGA TROPA!!! ANO PA GUSTO NINYO!!!!!!???$%%

Female voice: PAKAWALAN MO NA YUNG SECRET YELLOW ERASERS! PUNYETA KA!!! MATAGAL NAMIN SINASABI SA IYO, PAG PINAGTAGAL MO PA SA MUNDO ANG MGA IYAN SASAKIT LANG ANG ULO MO LALO ULOL KA KASI, BALIW KA!!! ABNORMAL!!!

Male voice: EH SIRA ULO KA MAS PALA SIZ! KAPATID MO KO! SAAN BA GALING DUGO NIYO AT DUGO KO!

Female voice: GAGU!!! EWAN NAMIN KUNG SAAN KA PINULOT NI MOMMY!!! (Softly pleading tone) Mom, sorry, sumalangit ka na ngayon na haaaa!!!

Male voice: SIGE NA SIGE NA. PAKAKAWALAN KO NA ANG SECRET ERASER. BASTA YUNG NIKA ISAP SI BABALU NA KAMAGANAK NI EF GEE SA NATIONAL SEKYU CANCELLED AT SI PURI KAYO LAHAT ANG BAHALA MAGLINIS NG DADAANAN NOON MGA DIPUTA KAYO MGA BALIW KAYO. PARANG HINDI LANG KOKONTI ANG NAPAPAPATAY NATIN DAHIL SA KASAKIMAN AT KABALIWAN NG PAMILYA NATIN.

That's what I heard. Then a few meters away this:

Soft Male voice: Sir Man Boy is mad.

Soft Female voice: Mga Tiger ma'ams ay mad din.

Soft Male voice: May rally na naman kasi.

Soft Female voice: Aw?

Soft Male voice: Oo at ang mga HAYUP ay gagawa pa ng NOISE BARRAGE daw sa 26.

(They knew what I didn't know, yet)

Soft Female voice: Wow galing ooops! Nakupo! May nakikinig ba?

Soft Male voice: Wala, wag ka ganyan, baka marinig ka ng mga boss natin na baliw.

Soft Female voice: At ubod ng magnanakaw. Ano kaya?

Soft Male voice: Anong ano?

Soft Female voice: Eh takot sa ingay yan sila Sir at mga ma'ams at mga asawa.

Soft Male voice: O eh ano ngayon.

Soft Female voice: Magpaputok tayo doon sa Otis?

Soft Male voice: Sira ulo ka ba?

Soft Female voice: Para di nila marinig NOISE BARRAGE.

Soft Male voice: Gago!

Soft Female voice: At least pag may tunog ng bumabaril mahimbing tulog nila, eh di walang istorbo.

Oh my G! What kind of people are these?

I've lost my appetite tonight. What the heck was that all about? What kasakiman? Why are they more afraid of screeching, scratching than asuwangs? Oy, I always thought only wacwacs can be paranoid. But sadly, I'm in really very bad company here!!! Yiiikes!!!

Tonight is so depressing frustrating, I'm sick to my inner tummy. No mamam too.

I guess it's hard to be asuwang, ooops waqzy baby... specially if you're facing stiff competition from weird frenzied blood suckers!!! till next time, tata!

my competition. how bastos look.